Are you making strides in your career, meeting all your targets and goals and closing deals but don’t feel like you are doing anything particularly outstanding on the homefront and are feeling some guilt around that?
Join the club of every parent on the planet. Seriously, at one point or another we’ve all felt this way. Sometimes it’s hard to feel confident and secure in the job we’re doing because don’t get domestic raises and general feedback for our overall performance.
Guilt is a normal part of parenting. The trick to the guilt is to understand the underlying message. Guilt could be a warning signal that something you are doing needs to change. Just like with our cars, when a light goes on it gets our immediate attention. Handle guilt in the same way. Identify what is making you feel less than and make an adjustment.
Celebrate what you ARE doing right. You’ve cooked and cleaned, carpooled, brought home the bacon, helped with homework, cleaned some more, baked a cake for school cake-walk and are so exhausted from your own full day and yet still have the nerve to think you aren’t doing enough?
It’s because you are too busy shoulding all over yourself.
I should have spent more time with them;
I should have been more patient doing homework;
I should have actually made them read their library books they brought home;
I should have a stricter bedtime;
I should put more restrictions on electronics and tv;
I should have baked those cookies from scratch;
I should, I should, I should.
Remember this: You loved. You laughed. You showed up and you continue to show up even when you feel like going on parental strike and running away from your life for just a few minutes … You signed them up for the activities and play taxi driver, you attend the parent teacher interviews, you look up all that crazy stuff on Pinterest and attempt it too. You get up early and work 2 jobs ( your day job and full-time parent job ) and go to bed late only to start the process all over again.
If you still think you aren’t good enough and aren’t showing up enough or aren’t making a difference ask your child. Out of the mouths of babes the truth will come. I asked my son last night. What makes me a good mom? He’s 13 and he said “No matter what, you’re always here for us”.
You see, we don’t need to be a Pinterest Queen or stop living our life in order to be a good parent.
All parents, even the most amazing, attentive and committed ones, feel at some point that they are not good enough.
Get real with yourself and understand that perfection and parenting is just ridiculous. Accept that you will make mistakes and be honest with your children when you drop the ball. They will appreciate it and see you for the human being that you are.
A little guilt is healthy, it means that you care about your family and the way you show up for them. Guilt is only natural and is the consequence of wanting to be a good parent. Feel it, embrace it, change what you can and accept what you can’t. Try pouring some wine instead of guilt, it helps!
